Being Intentional

Sometimes I catch myself having done some task, only to realize my accomplishment was very little, I took the easy way through my day. If I want to break out of the daily (often mundane) routine, it takes work. I have to be intentional about the steps as I grow. I need to push to become more of what I was designed to be.

I believe we each have God-given gifts, talents, and purpose. All of our gifts are unique to us as individuals. Outside of ourselves, no one can tell us the fullness of our purpose. We have each been placed here, on this earth, at this time, for a reason. We are not random, we are not generic, we are uniquely and carefully crafted. It takes intentional work and focus to find our purpose…the reason for our existence.

In your journey, whatever you do, do not give up on yourself and what you were designed to accomplish.

Being intentional is about taking one step at a time. If you want to lose weight, be intentional about being more physically fit. What is one step you can take today, towards better physical fitness? Repeat that step each day, and systematically add another step next week. If you want to be better at relationships, what is one step you can take today towards showing someone you care for them? Let that become a monthly or weekly pattern, intentionally repeating the intent. Start with one step…just one…today, do not wait for tomorrow, next week, next month, a New Years’ resolution.

Being intentional is not complex. It does not take a monumental effort. It is about simple things done with a purpose or goal. It will not include taking the easy route. It demands breaking out of a less healthy routine, replacing it with something better. Making a lifetime of small changes.

The best athletes, greatest families, best public speakers, and strongest leaders did not get there overnight. Nor did they get there on their own. Every one of them, as part of their normal life, is being coached and mentored by others. Having someone to help you stay focused and intentional is key. If I want to be better at an area in my life, I need to find someone who will come alongside me and encourage or if needed push me out of my comfort zone.

This is the first in a series of three posts, where I will address the need for intentionality, discipline, and purpose in a significant life. In my previous post, I shared how motivation is not all we are led to believe.

While you wait for my next post, here is something to consider. I am offering my services to those who may be interested in leadership mentoring or coaching. If you have an interest, feel free to start a conversation with me at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

Motivation, How Can I Get Some?

How many motivational phrases have you heard? If you are anything like me, motivation can be great…for a time. Motivation can set my passions on fire, then disappear just as fast as it came on. Motivation is an emotional response and not a purposeful decision.

I have lost count of how many conferences, retreats, or speeches I have attended where I come out telling myself that I will make this or that change. I will be more consistent in some areas of weakness. I will be a better father, friend, lover, worker, a man of faith…or whatever the message was about. I would be convinced that the opportunity is right there for me to take.

Then, Monday morning hits, and I am back into the same old routine. I slide back into my comfort zone. I get caught up in the daily routine.

This is part of the reason I have not gone to a motivational event for years. Motivation does nothing long-term for me. If you are like me, there is something else needed to drive success and significant life. Three words come to mind:

• Intentionality --> conscious, deliberate, knowing, purposeful

• Discipline --> instruct, educate, train, teach

• Persistence --> ceaselessness, continuance, durability, endurance

None of these words have any emotional ties. There is nothing short-term or time-constrained about these ideas. These words refer to honing yourself without regard to your emotional state. The ideas embodied by these words are all about doing rather than feeling.

I strive to put aside motivation. If it is there, great! We have goals to reach, people to love and care for, an impact to make in this world. The only thing stopping me is me. If our single driving force is motivation the passion to take necessary actions will fade. I need to ensure I am intentional, practice discipline, and am persistent. I will make strides every day (no matter how small) towards where I need to be.

I have gone through some significant life changes in the past 5 years. I found mentors who have helped me in each step of the journey. Two of them have become close personal friends. Some of them influence me through consistent messages in their podcasts. I would not be where I am without that help. None of us is an island, we cannot grow on our own.

Stick with me over the next few posts. I will address each of the three keywords mentioned above. In the meantime here is something to consider. I am offering my services to those who may be interested in leadership mentoring or coaching. If you have an interest, feel free to start a conversation with me at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

Internal Dialogue. Are You Listening or Telling?

How often do you struggle with thoughts in your head? Have you grappled with how to keep yourself motivated? Are you second-guessing past decisions? Do you find it difficult to navigate choices?

Have you considered that part of why some of these items can be difficult is that you may be listening to an internal dialog rather than telling yourself what needs to be done? Our internal dialog is an interesting phenomenon and is typically informed by our past. I would guess that struggle with things from our less than perfect personal history.

Our personal history is real, informative, and important to understanding where we are. We can choose to live in or learn from the past. This choice informs and influences our present, which in turn will have an effect on our future. Here is an example from my life:

For years I struggled with self-image. Growing up I was always one of the heavier kids among my peers. I played football and was too heavy, by league standards, to play the position I really wanted. I could not keep up with the fast pace on the basketball court. On the baseball field, I was often put in right-field where the action was not likely to come my way. I did not let these situations allow me to play the role of a victim. At the same time, it did leave me with some negative thoughts about my physique and abilities. This informed my internal dialog for years…and I allowed myself to listen.

Now, as an adult, I am in a better place physically, emotionally, and mentally. I got here by telling myself to push through the negative internal dialog…stop listening to the voices in my head from my childhood and younger adult years. I cannot wait to be motivated, rather I am going to be intentional and disciplined. Yet, daily I still struggle with the negative thoughts. I often find my internal voice trying to talk me out of working out, eating well, having quiet time, keeping up with reading, and more.

Our internal dialog should not be ignored as it can keep us from danger. Our internal dialog should also be tempered with an understanding of reality, the likelihood of certain “bad” things from happening (playing the “odds” game"), and telling ourselves we are capable of more than we realize.

This is not a “name it and claim it” message. I want to encourage all of us to pursue our dreams and aspirations wholeheartedly. In that pursuit, put in the blood, sweat, and tears. Success comes from fighting through the learning curve of new endeavors and persevering through the times when you just want to throw something across the room because the task in front of you seems undaunting.

Remember that if success was easy, everyone would be successful. Find your niche. What is it that keeps you moving forward? What is the challenge that when you overcome it, you get a sense of elation and accomplishment? Make it happen!

I am offering my services to those who may be interested in leadership mentoring and/or coaching. If you have an interest, feel free to start a conversation with me at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

A Whole New Mind

We are living in an age where more businesses are working with partners and organizations across the globe. In an era of greater competition, the ability to be creative can be a noteworthy influencing factor to success. According to Daniel H. Pink, the current business climate is pushing us beyond the Information Age and into the Conceptual Age.

In part, here is what he means, there are many systematic tasks which can be performed by people in cultures and regions where the cost of living is far lower than many who in wealthier nations. The more skilled people get at programming tasks, scripting repeatable operations, and establishing pre-build decision matrices, the more likely these activities can be done at a lower cost by individuals who live and thrive at a fraction of the cost of someone in the United States, a European nation, Japan, or even Australia or New Zealand. This is not a critique of one culture over another. It is an explanation of how there is a need for all of us, in a global experience, can grow and be more productive in the world around us.

Most of the tasks mentioned above are driven by systematic thinking, which is generally associated with the left side of our brain. Creativity, spirituality, thoughtfulness, and empathy are generally associated with the right side of our brain. Daniel H. Pink sites how his experience with taking a drawing class, participating in acting lessons, and learning from “laughing groups” have helped him and others expand how well both hemispheres of our brains work together. The ability to use both sides of our brain to create better solutions and experiences for the world is the genesis for ushering in the Conceptual Age.

This book was copyrighted in 2005, so some of the references to tools for help with increasing our right-brained thinking are outdated. The concepts and lessons are still just as valid as they were over 15 years ago. Read the book and learn to embrace the value of a good story, having time to play, and being mindful of seeking meaning in our lives. I hope you find it as enjoyable as I have.

I am offering my services to those who may be interested in leadership mentoring and/or coaching. This will be one on one, or very small group interactions on a periodic basis. The intention is to operate in a similar manner as a short-term mastermind. This is to say that there will be a few months of interactions set up as 1-hour sessions once or twice a month. If you have an interest, feel free to start a conversation with me at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

12 Rules For Life - Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

Dr. Jordan B. Peterson is a clinical psychologist from Canada who, over the past few years, has become a well-known public figure. In this book, “12 Rules For Live: An Antidote to Chaos”, he outlines 12 simple rules to help with governing our own lives. These rules are not intended to be the only 12 rules by which to live our lives, but rather a baseline to help us be a better version of ourselves. If this is the first you have read about Dr. Jordan B. Peterson or this book, I hope I can pique your interest.

I was very methodical and intentionally slow in reading this book. I wanted and still want to absorb all of the lessons taught. I would encourage self-reflection while reading through each of these 12 rules.

This whole book has and will continue to influence me in more ways than I can adequately articulate here. I would like to point out specific rules which stuck out to me.

• Rule #2 - Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping

I cannot tell you how many times I have handed out advice, encouragement, and direction which I would not even follow myself. Suggestions about health, spirituality, money, relationships, work, and more as though I had great sage wisdom worth following. I thought I was fulfilling my responsibility to help others…perhaps I was and still am. However, if I am not willing to be responsible for helping myself, how much will others value my suggestions?

As someone who is striving to be a better leader, I need to be leading myself before I am leading others. Am I investing in my future? Am I striving for growth? Am I building a life of significance? I need to be treating myself as someone I am responsible for helping.

• Rule #6 - Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world

The implications here…I stop to ponder. I likely cannot count the number of times I thought I could solve the world’s problems. How many times did I question a professional athlete’s decision under the pressure of a clutch moment? These are just the beginning of thoughts and conversations I have had where I allowed myself to ignore the mess in my own life, thinking I could fix someone else.

I have not, and likely may not ever set my house in perfect order. I have improved significantly over the past couple of years. I have set up disciplines in my life where I seek to improve myself, my life, my home, my relationships, and my finances. That is how I can change the world…by bettering myself.

• Rule #9 - Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t

This one reminds me of a Dalai Lama quote, “When you talk you are only repeating what you know; but when you listen you learn something new.” As a busy professional, I am often tempted to think that things need to happen now. There is no time to delay. In my mind, this means that everyone must listen to me because I have the right answers. When I push down that temptation, pause and listen to the ideas, thoughts, and suggestions of others then I am likely to get a clearer picture. Most often someone else’s recommendation will work out better than my own.

Even if I have to enforce my own decision, I need to at least hear the concerns and thoughts of those who will be responsible for helping to carry through with the steps needed for completion. I can explain my final intent, those in my care can get to that intent in the best way feasible within their realm of knowledge and expertise.

To clarify, my descriptions above are not how Dr. Jordan B. Peterson rolled out these 12 rules. The way it affected me is my take on my response as a result of reading this book. When you pick it up, read it with the intent to find how these rules apply in your own life.

When we are on a flight, and the plane is on its way to the runway, the flight attendants do their safety announcements. During their monolog, we are told that if the pressure drops in the cabin, and the masks fall in front of us, we put on our own mask before helping others secure theirs. In leadership, it is much the same. We need to be leading ourselves well before we can be qualified to have others call us their leader. 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos, teaches areas where we can lead ourselves. Pick it up, read it, learn from it, you will not regret it.

Imposter Syndrome, have you ever felt it...what is it?

When handed a new task, duty, job title, or responsibility it is common for my first internal reaction as to question whether I am the right person for the job. Even when I have pursued a new role…for years…and have clearly earned the position, I have a “pucker” moment where I ask, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Over the past 5 years, listening to hundreds of podcasts and reading dozens of books on leadership, personal development, intentional living, understanding human behavior, and more my eyes have been opened to the reality that even the most successful people in business, politics, religion and most other cohort groups deal with (at least in the beginning) doubting their abilities and feeling like they are an imposter in that role. It is normal and we cannot let that hold us back from stepping forward into the growth we will experience. A leader moves into the unknown…even if it is just unknown to them…understanding they will make mistakes yet continuing to move forward seeking improvement, growth, influence, and significance.

Do not let the doubt, the “Imposter Syndrom”, allow us to quit. We may fail, make mistakes, or mess up and we cannot let those things cause us to stop leading and pursuing excellence. When we feel that itching of doubt in our mind…an internal feeling that we are an imposter in our role, keep in mind a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

• “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

The imposter syndrome is real. Do not ignore it or shove it aside. Deal with it, speak to yourself with your own internal dialog to remind yourself that you earned the chance to fulfill that role. Tell yourself that you will grow into the position, then take the steps to do just that.

I am offering my services to those who may be interested in leadership mentoring and/or coaching. This will be one on one, or very small group interactions on a periodic basis. The intention is to operate in a similar manner as a short-term mastermind. This is to say that there will be a few months of interactions set up as 1-hour sessions once or twice a month. If you have an interest, feel free to start a conversation with me at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

Compassionate - The 5th "C" of Leadership

Compassion…the final C in this series of posts on the 5 Cs of Leadership (Composed, Confident, Consistent, Courageous). Pause for a moment, think about compassionate people in your life who have helped you through physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual struggles. What are some of the characteristics that come to mind?

Merriam-Webster.com:

• Compassion: sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it

A noteworthy view of compassion, to quote Albert Schweitzer, “The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.”

Compassion works with and goes deeper than sympathy or empathy. Where sympathy and empathy are focused around being conscious of the distress others may be experiencing, compassion couples that with a desire to alleviate distress. With compassion, there is a call to action.

As leaders, we need to be careful how we step into that call to action. How well do you know those for whom you are called to care and lead? Do we really understand which actions will provide the best means of helping them get through their distress?

I know that in my own experience, and those who are closest to me, many of our biggest accomplishments and successes have come as a result of overcoming huge struggles in our lives. It was not through someone removing those hurdles, but rather helping me see that I have what it takes to break through a barrier. If someone would have taken away my struggle in physical fitness with some kind of a magic pill, I do not think I would have truly gained an appreciation for the hard work, perspiration, and consistency needed for building strength and endurance. So, in this case, for me, compassion came in the form of encouragement as I stepped through this journey and people recognizing milestones in my progress.

If it were not for mentors guiding me through my leadership journey, I do not know where I would be from an emotional and professional perspective. As I failed in tasks, jobs, relationships, and more; there were key individuals who have reminded me these failures do not define who I am, but rather are learning opportunities towards improvement.

Some of you know me well and have seen me go through a variety of transformations over these past 5 years. Many of you do not even realize how I received compassion from you along this journey. I continue to seek improvement in physical, relational, intellectual, fiscal, and spiritual health and wellbeing. Thank you all for your encouragement and compassion.

Along the way, I have been granted the opportunity to join a group of like-minded individuals, all led by my professional and personal mentor, Richard Rierson. I first met Richard by engaging him for his leadership coaching after listening to his Dose of Leadership podcast. This group of like-minded individuals all contribute to Dose of Leadership University, a growing community of leaders focused on helping each other in our growth. If you have an interest in learning more about how to live these 5 Cs of leadership I encourage you to review the website, check out Richard’s podcast and coaching, and consider joining us.

Courageous - The 4th "C" of Leadership

When we think of courage so many thoughts can come to mind. I could follow many trains of thought here and explore endless domains where courage is at the forefront of circumstances. As with my previous 3 posts on the 5 Cs of Leadership (Composed, Confident, Consistent), I will start off with the Merriam-Webster definition of courage:

• Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Notice, that courage is not the lack of fear. Fear will be present in the midst of difficult times. Courage is acting with mental and moral strength when faced with fear. Courage does not simply automatically show up when there is danger. It is nearly always something that grows over time and with practice when obstacles and struggles are faced head-on. Courage has to start somewhere within each of us.

We often hear or read these stories of men and women who have displayed great courage. These are events which catch the public eye. First-Responders who run into a burning building to rescue someone, law enforcement officers chasing down criminals with records of brutal crimes, and the list can go on. Although these are indeed great and noteworthy acts, they are not the only way to be courageous.

In peer leadership roles, we see people leading from the front. These individuals will be the first to help their company through struggles and moments of crisis. They are consistently on the front-line and leading by example. Often these leaders do not even realize they are being watched, emulated, and followed. Individuals actively engaged in not backing down from a difficult situation, being the coordinator of efforts to allow others to show their strengths, and/or shining the light on others once the struggle or crisis has been overcome.

In low and/or mid-management roles, a leader will need to allow the front-line leader drive towards problem-solving while the manager removes impediments to progress. These are individuals who transform from being the one who wins praises and instead, they mentor others to grow and become more than previously thought possible. Perhaps they become the person who communicates progress to higher management. Maybe it could be ensuring food, nourishment, and basic needs are being provided during elongated situations. It might show up as telling the front-line leader to take a mental break or get some sleep; providing assurances that there are others to help and that the front-line leader is still human. It could be as simple as having a listening ear while letting others voice concerns and opposition. Many times, if others feel that their thoughts have value and they are truly being heard, they will give their whole heart into something with which they disagree because they trust their manager/leader. Low and/or mid-level managers may be on the receiving end of negative backlash from some of these decisions but make their decisions anyway because they understand the people, circumstances, and conditions.

I have a friend who describes this type of courage as something like this, “The boss comes into a group meeting with a grenade, pulls the pin out, throws the pin and the grenade onto the table…the courageous leader grabs the pin, puts it back into the grenade, and starts calmly asking those around the table how to address the problem.”

I realize it is much easier to speak of and write about courage than to actually step up and engage in the discomfort. Remember that the courageous leader is also composed, confident, and consistent. All of these characteristics work in concert when we are being intentional about seeking to lead well. Each of these Cs takes work, diligence, and patience to ensure they are an active part of our leadership toolbox.

Consistent - The 3rd "C" of Leadership

This is the third installment of a 5 part series on, “The 5 Cs of Leadership”. The first C is “Composed”. The second C is “Confident”. This post will discuss “Consistent” as the third C. It is worth noting that I did not come up with, “The 5 Cs of Leadership”. I adopted these from Richard Rierson, who is my leadership mentor. Richard has started a leadership mastermind known as Dose of Leadership University. I encourage all who are reading my post to check out this mastermind and consider joining us.

Consistent as presented on Merriam-Webster.com has a definition of, “marked by harmony, regularity, or steady continuity: free from variation or contradiction”. As a leader, the consistent application of all 5 of the Cs of leadership works in concert. It is important to be consistent in being composed, confident, courageous, and compassionate.

It is also important to be consistent in many other ways. The best leaders are consistently learning, reading, relating, mentoring others, being mentored, modeling behavior, preparing others for success, clearing roadblocks, and many other activities of directing the growth of themselves and others. The most effective leaders I have met are consistent in striving for physical, fiscal, intellectual, relational, and spiritual development for themselves and those in their care. I should be regularly asking myself if I am living up to these standards.

Leaders are not perfect. I have found that the more I strive to develop myself, two seemly opposite truths seem to appear. First, I see that I am indeed growing in these areas…even if it is only by a small fraction of a percentage each day. Second, I see that my need to grow in these areas is greater than I initially realized. For example, the more I learn about relating to others in my care I am subsequently more keenly aware that there is so much I still need to learn about relating to those very people.

I have stumbled, failed, messed up, and made more mistakes than I can count. If I allowed myself to wallow in those painful experiences of the past I would likely be in a miserable mental, emotional, and physical state. Another area where leaders need to be consistent is owning their mistakes, learning from them, and striving to not repeat those mistakes in the future. In other words, never quit on yourself nor on those in your care.

As we strive for being consistent, these patterns will turn into positive and uplifting habits. The outcome of these habits will provide you with personal growth and satisfaction, and they will benefit those around you who are in your care. Leaders shine the spotlight of success on those for whom they care. Consistency in applying the 5 Cs creates a difference, at least it does in your own corner of the world.

Confident - The 2nd "C" of Leadership

This is my second post discussing the “5 Cs of Leadership” as I have learned to apply them. If this is the first of the “5 Cs of Leadership” you are seeing, I would suggest reading “Composed - The 1st C of Leadership”, then return here. There is not necessarily a chronological ordering or hierarchy to the “5 Cs of Leadership”, understanding them within the context of each other is very helpful.

The 2nd C of Leadership is “Confidence”. Merriam-Webster gives us these two definitions of this adjective:

1. Full of conviction: Certain

2. Having or showing assurance and self-reliance

There can be a fine line between confidence and being arrogant or displaying hubris. Most people know the difference when they see it but may not be able to put into words a good description. A confident leader is usually seen and heard bragging on the accomplishments of those around them. When we are confident it is unusual that we need to announce and advertise our own victories. A confident leader does not shy away from strengths, skills, knowledge, and successes however our focus when giving praise is to shine the light on others, the ones who did the hard work.

As confident leaders, we should also be grooming and developing the person who will be able to step up to be our future replacement. We should be seeking out key individuals who will mentor us. Confident leaders understanding they have much more to learn and are consistently seeking to gain more knowledge, insight, and wisdom. In confidence, we admit, own up to, and learn from mistakes and failures.

Did someone in our care have a failure, make a mistake, or miss a deadline? Our first question should be us asking ourselves, “Did I properly equip, train, and position them for success?” Another question should be, “What will it take for me to help them succeed next time?”

Confidence can be something akin to humility. What I mean is that if we are proclaiming to others that we are confident (or humble), it is likely that we are not. Confidence is something that wanes and waxes. There will be times when we do not feel confident. We may even feel like an imposter when filling a new role or position. When that happens, pay attention to your internal dialog. Are you listening to the doubt and lies your mind is trying to tell you, or are you going to tell yourself to keep moving forward and figure out how to get the job done?

I have plans to post my thoughts about “Imposter Syndrom” in the future.

In leadership, there are many dichotomies which play out. We need to be confident without arrogance, humble without being a pushover, take ownership of correcting mistakes and taking the blame while giving praise to others for accomplishments.