5 of 5 - Intellectual Engagement and Growth - Optional or Non-Negotiable?

This is the fifth and final in a series of principles, that in order to live a fulfilled life and lead others successfully, requires committed, intentional, and consistent action. I will continue to give credit to Thom Shea as the person who introduced me to these 5 pillars. Each of us will have our own way to apply these to our lives. I view these pillars, as non-negotiable. Have you been convinced so far? Let’s see what you think about this one.

It is critical that we stay mentally engaged and challenged throughout our entire life. Our brains function much like muscles, in that to experience growth we must exercise. If we fail to exercise our brain atrophy will engage. The older we get the sooner atrophy sets in and the quicker we lose functionality. There are supplements we can consume to help, but the reality is growth requires hard work, dedication, and intentionality.

I have read the synopsis of studies and listened to neuroscientists who are much better at sighting evidence that being intellectually engaged and growing helps overcome cognitive decline as we age. I want to be like my great-grandmother and my mother. They were always mentally engaged. Every time I would see either of them, they had something to talk about and was wanting to know about the lives of those around them. They both quilted, crocheted, and knitted until weeks before they died. They were knowledgeable about current events and could carry on a conversation even in their last days.

There are a few tools I use to seek mental growth and engagement.

• Long-Form Podcasts - These are gaining in popularity. I believe it is due to the desire for people to engage in more than just sound bites. There is an increasing hunger for a deeper understanding of thoughts, ideas, theories, and details around important aspects of our lives. One podcast that may be a good start is Huberman Lab. Check it out and let me know your thoughts.

• Reading Books - Whether it is a digital or physical book, reading material that is more than just a few pages engages our brains in multiple ways that short-form cannot match. The plot/storyline is built and expanded upon, specific details are explored, and thoughts and ideas are challenged. While I appreciate audiobooks and podcasts, reading engages the mind more deeply and thoroughly as pages are turned and more senses are involved. Two leadership books I would highly recommend are Unbreakable by Thom Shea and Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink

• Exercise - Yes, this is great for addressing the first pillar in this series (1 of 5 - Physical Health - Optional or Non-Negotiable?), and being physically fit helps engages us cognitively. The blood flow and nutrients necessary for intellectual growth are more abundantly delivered to our brain while we exercise and when our overall physical well-being is being addressed.

As we age and technology progresses, how are you going to grow in intellect? Will you find a creative way to implement Artificial Intelligence into your job or your daily life? Will you explore the concept around blockchain? Are you going to find new ways to partner with other professionals and provide improved services to your clients? Will you learn a new language?

We all have our unique ways of engaging intellectually. Even as an individual, the most effective tool you use today may be different than what you needed yesterday. Spend time being mentally challenged and engaged. Push through difficult concepts and ideas to gain a better understanding. You will find it rewarding. It provides an opportunity to have more conversations. When we speak humbly and intelligently about topics, others will be more open to our ideas. We can better understand those around us who have better expertise when we have a base of knowledge in the topics that interest them.

The key is growth, movement, and challenge. My tools for mental improvement are not going to be the same as yours. How I apply my tools will be different than yours. We are each uniquely and wonderfully designed. Stay engaged mentally and you will find it worth the time and effort.

4 of 5 - Maintaining and Strengthening Intimate Relationships - Optional or Non-Negotiable?

This is the fourth in a series of five pillars that in order to live a fulfilled life and lead others successfully, requires committed, intentional, and consistent action. I have adopted and adapted these five pillars, but they originated from Thom Shea. These pillars are non-negotiable. Let’s see if I can articulate well enough that you might also be convinced.

We have been designed as social beings. One of the worst things you can do in life is to isolate yourself. The most severe punishment in jail is solitary confinement. Thom Shea has shared the story of a time when he was a BUD/S instructor and learned how much isolation will cause the strongest SEAL candidates to quit. We found out through the 2020 response to a virus, just how painful it can be for individuals to be alone. Suicide, alcohol abuse, opioid dependency, and many other problems increased significantly due to government mandates requiring self-isolation. Our mental and emotional stability is indescribably tied to having close relationships with key people in life, and physical and emotional intimacy with our “significant other”.

Building strong intimate relationships touches on the very core of who we are and how we successfully navigate the world in which we live. These are people who know our deepest desires and greatest weaknesses and still love and care for us. They are also the ones who we will give our lives to protect, our hearts to support, and our thoughts to guide. When we experience our biggest triumphs, these are the people we want to celebrate at our side. We applaud their successes with great enthusiasm and deep pride.

Do you have someone in your life who will clean your wounds, insist you take your medicine, push you to exercise…and you will do the same for them? I am referencing all aspects of these areas and not just physical. Our wounds that need cleansing, medicine to take, and exercise that needs to take place may be spiritual or emotional as well. This would be someone who loves as you are but will help you reach and push to achieve even more, and you do the same for them.

Some of us learn the hard way that this is a crucial part of life. The physical, fiscal, emotional, mental, and spiritual drain of going through a divorce takes its toll. We need to take the time and make the effort to show our loved ones they are important. 30 minutes a day, devoted to listening to and communicating with your loved ones will pay back dividends that cannot be tracked on a balance sheet or time card. It does not need to always be deep conversations, but it can be. If there are times when they need more than 30 minutes then do it…for as long as is needed. This is not a staff meeting at work that must begin and end by a specific time. Give your significant other the time they need to verbalize their thoughts and be thoroughly heard. Speak your mind with a humble, honest, and loving purpose. Intentionally follow up on promises and commitments made during these conversations.

If you want to be able to lead others in a professional environment, it takes putting in the effort to lead well in your intimate relationships. This is where you learn to uncover motives, fears, and uncertainties. You strengthen your ability to empathize and have compassion. You learn how to hear inflections in voice and watch body posture, to see how these reflect emotions. You grow in the ability to deeply connect.

Love and be loved. Your life will be more fulfilled and you will have an increased ability to share more care and compassion with those you are called to lead. In the end, people will remember how you treated them more than the words you spoke to them. Having and building intimate bonds with those who are close to you will give you greater strength to face challenges and encourage others.

3 of 5 - Spiritual Wellbeing - Optional or Non-Negotiable?

This is the third in a series discussing five pillars for which I have become convinced that to live a fulfilled life and lead others successfully, requires committed, intentional, and consistent action. I have adopted this idea of these five pillars as a result of reading books written and listening to a podcast by Thom Shea. I view these pillars, as non-negotiable. Let’s see if I can articulate well enough that you might also be convinced.

This post is a bit of a struggle for me. It is so because, by design, we are all created to have a unique and individual spiritual experience. Putting words to my thoughts here will give you the way I see my spiritual well-being lived out. To compact this huge topic into a post that takes just a few minutes to read is not giving proper justice. I will hit some highlights, and let you decide whether Spiritual Well-Being is “Optional or Non-Negotiable”.

Humans are the only creatures on this planet to have a conscious knowledge of the difference between right and wrong, or good and evil…a sense of morals. Exodus 20, in the Old Testament, gives us the 10 Commandments. These are the groundwork for a moral and spiritual compass…perhaps we can call it a target for which to aim. Having morals and laws protecting other humans is more than just following “survival of the fittest”, which defines most other creatures on our planet. Morals are born from spiritual awareness and valuing of other humans despite their differences in appearance, ancestry, or other immutable characteristics.

In today’s business culture, we shy away from the word “sin”. The origins of this word come from ancient archery terms “Hamartia” (Greek) and “Hata” (Hebrew), both meaning, “to miss the mark”. It takes years of practice and incremental improvement to achieve the skill to hit a precise target. Over the course of these years, you will often miss the mark. If you have ever tried archery or any other marksmanship challenge which requires precise targeting, hitting the mark is very difficult and takes coaching, patience, and thousands of iterative attempts.

When we watch great athletes compete, what compels us to stand up and cheer when there is a big play or accomplishment? Could it be that it is a display of physical dedication, emotional commitment, and a spiritual experience that culminates and causes such great excitement in our heart and mind that we feel like we cannot resist the desire to cheer and celebrate? Great athletes have gifts and talents that go beyond DNA and intellectual acumen for the sport. They have what some call “intangibles”. Is there something spiritual in those intangibles?

When we use the 10 Commandments as our target for our moral direction, we will miss more than we hit. However, through coaching, practice, and diligent attention and focus our accuracy is improved. This journey also teaches us to be humble and understanding of the difficulties that arise when aiming at Spiritual Well-Being and growth. Putting us in a mindset to better influence those in our care and help them aim in a direction that brings them spiritual health.

I am not espousing a specific religion. I have been raised in a Christian community that is governed by Judea-Christian principles. I have the privilege of living in a time that is built on a foundation formed by the likes of Socrates, Plato, Plutarch, Jesus of Nazareth, Saul of Tarsus, and many other great thinkers who challenged common culture and pursued the spiritual realm. These men have shaped our Western Culture. Spirituality is not about perfection nor about controlling others. It is about getting in touch with the “intangibles” that are within each of us to help us grow and pursue a target that makes us better people and leaders.

2 of 5 - Fiscal Stability - Optional or Non-Negotiable?

This is the second in a series of five principles (aka pillars) that I believe are necessary to live a fulfilled life and lead others successfully. These pillars require committed, intentional, and consistent action. As mentioned in my previous post, I have adopted this idea as a result of reading books written and listening to a podcast by Thom Shea. Each of us will have our own way to apply these pillars to our lives. I have come to view them, as non-negotiable. Let’s see if I can articulate well enough that you might be convinced.

How to define fiscal (aka monetary) stability is somewhat personal. Two people who are predominant teachers of personal finance, Dave Ramsey and Robert Kiyosaki, have very different points of view on debt, credit, and how to be financially stable. I am not here to debate or declare one idea or approach as better than the other. I encourage you to research, evaluate, and (like my previous post on Physical Health), start one step at a time.

How many of you have had an argument with a friend, spouse, family member, or some other loved one over money issues? These heated discussions are not necessarily based on whether you can afford to spend the money, but rather on what the spending priorities should be. How much more intense will those feelings which lead to arguments over spending priorities be intensified when there is too much month left at the end of your paycheck?

Fiscal security affects the very foundation of who we are. When finances are in bad shape we will question the ability to keep a roof over our heads and provide sustenance for ourselves and those we love. On its own, financial distress creates pressures which can consume our thoughts, cause lost sleep, shake our confidence, and influence all other aspects of life.

Alternatively, when our finances are in order we are free to spend time and energy on things that are more beneficial to ourselves and those who we influence. It can be like losing weight…it lightens our load and frees up energy to be used for growth in other aspects of our lives.

So how does this apply to leadership? Here are a few ways.

1. Establishes systemic and ongoing discipline in life, knowing to stay within your limits.

2. Increased opportunity for the generosity of time, effort, and finances.

3. Having your own life in order provides credibility when you desire to influence others.

The more your own life is well organized, the higher your likelihood of other opportunities. Whether or not we know it, we are being watched by others. When our physical and fiscal pillars are solid, we have the freedom to thrive in other areas of life. When we have gone through the crucible of overcoming physical and financial obstacles we are better positioned to empathize with the struggles and lead others through their own difficulties.

Something to consider, a position or title of leadership does not equal leading. Leading means someone must be willing to follow. If we lack self-discipline, there is very little chance to inspire others to trust us to lead. All five pillars require attention and focus. Over the next few months, I will be adding the next three pillars (Spiritual, Intimate Relationships, and Intellectual).

1 of 5 - Physical Health - Optional or Non-Negotiable?

If all goes as planned, this will be the first in a series. I have become convinced that in order to live a fulfilled life and lead others successfully there are five areas of growth, I will call them pillars, which require committed, intentional, and consistent action. I have adopted this idea as a result of reading books written and listening to a podcast by Thom Shea. I admit that my level of commitment to these areas of growth is not as intense as Thom Shea's. The application of the underlying principles, I have come to view, is non-negotiable. Let’s see if you might not also be convinced.

Arguably, living a healthy and fit lifestyle is chief among the five pillars. If you are not caring for your physical well-being you cannot experience the fullness of life available to you. The Holy Bible tells us that our body is a temple. Everyone’s body, fitness level, exercise preferences, and eating habits are uniquely their own. It would be presumptuous of me to try and prescribe how to best take care of your physical body. I will declare that fitness and exercise along with healthy eating habits are crucial to a fulfilled life.

Working out on a regular basis helps release hormones and chemicals in our bodies that elevate our mental state. Part of what comes along is a sense of accomplishment once a workout has been completed. Did you ride your bike on a particularly difficult trek? Are you seeing increased strength as a result of lifting weights? Have you noticed an increase in confidence after learning how to apply a new martial arts technique? Did you see a beautiful sunrise or sunset while out on a walk? Starting and maintaining a workout routine is not about motivation. Some days you may feel motivated others days, maybe not so much. Completing a workout can be even more rewarding when you did it in spite of the fact that you did not feel motivated to begin. In the end, the workout is not about motivation and reward as it is about being disciplined and treating yourself as someone you highly value, treasure, and want to care for.

Physical health is not isolated to working out on a regular basis. A balanced eating and nutrition lifestyle is key. Many of us were taught about a “Food Pyramid” when we were in school. I would like to challenge each of you to look into newer information that is available about diet and supplements. Items that we eat can help or hinder the results of our workout efforts. The best balance of protein, carbohydrates, and fats may be different for you than me, and it may contradict what we were taught. Things like eggs, coffee, and beef may not be as bad for us as some would suggest. Do certain supplements make sense and if so, where do you go to ensure their quality? What we eat, when we eat it, and how much we eat can affect mood, energy, and recovery from workouts or even sickness.

I advocate that, if you are not already working out and eating well, start slowly. One step at a time will get you to better physical health quicker than you may realize. It will also help with developing a practice of implementing well-disciplined decisions in your life. You may just find yourself accomplishing more than you thought feasible. An example in my own life (I am over 50 years old)…I have more muscle mass, run further and faster, do more push-ups, and have an overall greater fitness level than I did in high school or college. I am not nor was I a great athlete. This is just an illustration of one person who took one step after the next. Being the healthiest I have been in my life helps me overcome more obstacles, sleep better, and accomplish more mental and physical work than I thought would be possible.

I suggest, that without having good physical health, the next four pillars will fall apart. All five pillars need to be in place, but none of them work to their fullest without the physical daily attention to maintaining this your physical health.

Killing Rommel - Steven Pressfield

What makes a good leader? How does a leader emerge, grow, and become better at leading? Lessons in leading can be found in so many areas of life. I truly enjoy opportunities to learn about leadership in a variety of settings. Perhaps, for me, the most fruitful ways I have grown have been through observations of the lessons others can teach from their own lives.

Historic Fiction, when based on verifiable facts and events, is chief among the ways I have learned about leadership. In Killing Rommel, Steven Pressfield has taken the written account of R. Lawrence Chapman “Chap” and turned it into a masterpiece. Chap was a mentor to Pressfield. Their friendship and care for each other spanned decades and continents.

Many of the characters and all of the events described in this book are real. Chap’s journaling of the events turned into a book for us to read, helps reveal the realities of war. Chap was thrust into a leadership role, with lives on the line, even though he did not seem like he was the most experienced among the warriors. There were certain decisions made, in the heat of battle that Chap questioned for the rest of his life. In the middle of a situation where lives are on the line, these men did not have time to think about the long-term psychological effects of what they were doing.

Reading the progression in personal growth and character of Chap, conveyed in this book, shows that the trust others put in a leader is not built on the battlefield. Trust is about relationships, connections, and hard work done while training, resting, recovering, and living out lives in the daily grind. Chap intentionally stayed connected in his intimate, personal, and warrior relationships. His compassion for others…friend and foe, grew through his experiences in the desert of North Africa during WW2.

The mutual admiration and respect of warriors on opposite sides of the battle are well portrayed through the pages of this book. There are times when they are face-to-face with the enemy, even in the heat of battle, where decisions are made to save lives override all other emotions. These are clear conveyances of the dichotomy of leadership.

In the end, Chap is just a man who was trying to be what was needed for those around him. I have heard many war veterans proclaiming that a primary lesson they learned from war was love. To love others in a way far deeper than they previously understood. Maybe this is a lesson I can learn by proxy through this book…love more deeply than I thought possible. Love…not like “rainbows and roses” love which can be easily crushed. A deep abiding, protective, caring, mentoring love that happens when you are fighting shoulder-to-shoulder alongside those closest to you, to win the battles…when lives are on the line. Maybe some would call it tough love when needed. This is something that looks beyond the surface of an argument or disagreement. A love that through the mire and muck of life will reach a hand out to help through the pain and struggle.

Can I be that man? Can I share that kind of love? Can I lead and love those I intimately, familial, professionally, and/or personally care about? That is a goal for me. Lead and love, not as the superficial eyes see it, but rather with a deep care that is informed by getting below the surface of the relationships in my life and understanding the hearts and minds of those in my care.

The Warrior Ethos

Spartans do not ask how many are the enemy but where are they. Plutarch

For those who strive to be a better version of themselves, it is a daily battle. Very few of us perform on a physical battlefield, yet we have our own dragons which need to be slayed. As we prepare for the fight, what are the tools, skills, and weapons of choice? How are the rules of engagement determined? What brought us to where we are now in seeking to maintain integrity in the midst of the pressure and angst of a fierce fight? We are warriors in battles of our own.

Steven Pressfield describes himself as, “I am a writer. I write about war - external wars and internal wars, wars ancient and modern, real wars out of history and imagined wars that only exist only in speculation. Why? I don’t even know myself.” In his writing, he seems to accurately articulate the strength and authenticity of warriors through the ages. In these past 2 years, he has become one of my favorite authors.

The Warrior Ethos is a concise review of the warrior culture and he starts with the Spartans. He notes how the idea of the warrior started with protecting and providing for one’s own tribe. Strong men and women were the foundation of this warrior culture both in battle and at home. It grew into something that is greater than someone’s own personal pride or vendetta. Being a warrior is about honor, integrity, love, selflessness, strength, purpose, persistence, and much more.

Imagination may take us to an idea of a warrior that we have come to idolize in a movie, show, or book. Think about, “What is it about the warrior that captures our mind and spirit?” As I ponder this question, I also ask myself another question, “How can I live in that warrior spirit?”

This book helped me to tap into my own inner struggles and explore how I can better lead others as a warrior. I am asking myself and encourage you to do the same.

• Am I humble enough to see my own weaknesses and seek to improve upon them?

• Do I live confidently in knowing my strengths and how I can apply them to make myself and others around me have a more significant life?

• Can I set my pride aside and boost others as they experience the glory of a conquerer when they face their own dragons?

• Am I leading well?

A warrior is not on an island as a single, stoic conquerer. They surround themselves with others who serve key roles in their lives. If we are seeking to live a warrior’s life I propose we need people alongside us:

• Mentor - A select few people ahead of us in our journey who can speak wisdom and correction into our lives.

• Cohort - Perhaps a larger group than those who mentor us. These are the ones who fight alongside us, shoulder-to-shoulder. We pick each other up when we stumble. Drag each other out of the fray when we are wounded. Share the dark humor of a fellow combatant.

• Mentee - A select few individuals who will be able to take our place in the role we currently serve when we are no longer there.

I would recommend reading The Warrior Ethos. It is a clear, concise, and thought-provoking work. It can be a great tool to help you overcome your own adversities, struggles, and battles.

If you are interested in leadership mentoring or coaching. Whether it be a short-term mastermind group or one-on-one, I would be happy help. I can be reached at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

First, Break All The Rules

As we bring 2022 to an end and usher in 2023, for those of us interested in leadership and management, this is a great time to dig and contemplate what is or is not working. Picking up and reading, First Break All The Rules has helped me make adjustments to my own way of thinking. Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman have assembled vast amounts of data from multiple companies of varying sizes. The analysis shows principles that great companies and managers implement to make their organizations thrive in competitive markets.

One focus point that I have been seeking to pursue is their understanding of “Talent”. Talent is separate from intelligence, knowledge, or skills. Intelligence is the ability to learn. Knowledge is what you have already learned. Skills are how knowledge and intelligence get applied to tasks. While intelligence, knowledge, and skills are important. Talents are those things that come naturally to someone, without them having to spend a lot of time thinking about what is being done.

Once someone’s talent is understood, the idea of making sure a person is in the proper role is easier to do. One person may have the talent for communicating well in difficult situations. In a client-facing role, this person would need to have knowledge and skills to work with your product or service but they may not need to be the most intelligent, knowledgeable, or skilled. Another person may have the talent for analytical thinking, which could lead to them being the most skilled person for a technical role, but they may not have great client-facing skills.

Both of these talents are crucial to the company’s overall success. If, as a manager, you have these people in the wrong roles your business could stagnate or you may even lose clients by providing a less-than-amazing client experience and a lower-quality product. By shifting the roles of these two people you are more likely to thrive. For those you manage, placing the right people in the role best suited to their talent will go a long way to employee and client satisfaction.

Let me conclude this last post from 2022 with a suggestion for you, begin 2023 with a great book to catapult the enhancement of your leadership and/or management skills. First Break All The Rules is one of many books that will help. I invite you to review the blog on my website where you can find many other recommended choices.

Let’s all pursue growth and greatness in 2023. If there is anything I can do to help encourage or provide direction, feel free to reach out to me at toddrthomsen@gmail.com. Here’s to 2023, a year of significant growth!

Persist, Even if You Have to Crawl

Sometimes the motivation and feelings are just not there. At times emotions will go against what you know is needed. Along with the self-discipline mentioned in my previous post, being persistent and moving forward is necessary for growth. This is true for relationships, physical well-being, financial security, emotional strength, spiritual health, and intellectual development.

Do you find yourself with goals and desires to improve that seem unreachable? Sometimes, what is needed, is to just get started. You may find that it is less difficult than imagined. Perhaps, you will make needed adjustments and your objectives change. Maybe it is a big struggle, but once achieved a sense of accomplishment washes over you. Any of these possibilities can only be realized so long as you persist in making progress.

Taking the time on a periodic basis, to acknowledge where you are and set the next goals is a good habit. This will help make you aware of opportunities for growth. If the goals you set are always easy to obtain, the opportunity to gain ground is greatly diminished.

I encourage you to not read something that is not here. It is okay to have some goals that are less of a struggle. Just make sure you also have, “Big Hairy Audacious Goals” (aka BHAG) that force you to stretch beyond what was once thought to be unachievable. If you persist…even with small bits of progress, you may just surprise yourself.

The greatest victories are a result of pushing through the biggest struggles. Give yourself time, tools, and the patience to keep moving…be persistent. Be aware that along the way there will be mistakes. I like to call this, “falling forward”. When you trip and fall…which you will do; get back up, learn the lesson, then keep pursuing that BHAG.

I am offering my services to those who may be interested in leadership mentoring or coaching. Whether it be a short-term mastermind group or one on one, I would be happy to engage. If you have an interest, feel free to start a conversation with me at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

Discipline, What is it All About?

Even though it has been a while since my last post, leadership is still a focus of my daily life. I have allowed other priorities to consume my time. I will get back to a regular posting schedule, just not as frequently as in the past.

Often the word “Discipline” connotes an idea of someone in authority instilling punishment or enforcing corrective actions on someone else. This is a valid definition of the word but does not apply to today’s context. With this post, think of discipline as something you do to and for yourself. It is not an outside source or some other person pushing you.

With this framing of discipline, someone is willing to set aside short-term pleasure or triumph in order to gain a long-term, more significant benefit. For example, if we choose to forgo a sugary breakfast for something more wholesome we will likely have better focus and more enduring energy to pursue the tasks and goals set before us. If we choose to exercise on a regular basis we increase the likelihood of greater overall health, focus, and longevity.

From a leadership perspective, we discipline ourselves by setting aside our own desire to be in the spotlight and receive praise (short-term gain). Instead, we need to coach and mentor those in our care, look to give them opportunities to grow and improve, and turn the focus on them as a group and individuals to receive the praise and adoration for success. We take actions that help remove obstacles that interfere with the success of those in our care.

We absorb and take ownership of situations where our team fell short of a goal or expected outcome. We discipline ourselves to take the time, pause and reflect on how to better prepare the team and each individual for future success. These are opportunities for us to learn and gain insight as leaders.

It is through self-discipline that we experience freedom and become less encumbered by physical, mental, and emotional limitations. We can all improve how we lead. A cornerstone of exceptional leadership is self-discipline.

I have learned from people like Jocko Willink. Although I have never met the man I do consider him a mentor and coach. If the yearning for a better way to lead others is part of your core, I suggest taking some time to read his books and listen to his podcasts. This is the man from whom I adopted this idea of, “Discipline Equals Freedom”.

This is the second in a series of three posts. The previous blog was about intentionality. The next one will be addressing the need for persistence in seeking a purpose for a significant life.