Crucial Conversations

I cannot count the number of times I have walked away from a conversation, replaying it over and over in my head, and thought of different ways that I could have been more effective. I suspect that I am not alone in experiencing the desire to improve the way we navigate important conversations in our lives. This book provides insight into tools that can be used to help, but having a humble attitude and being willing to follow what is shared must be the place you find yourself before reading this book.

The information and direction provided helps the reader sort through matters of the heart when engaging crucial conversations. I learned about what to look for in the behavior, posturing, and tone of voice in others when they do not feel safe opening up about things that are sensitive and can lead to highly charged dialog. How can I help those around me feel safe, so that they will share their deepest thoughts and concerns?

For me, a key concept I have gained is the idea around mastering your own story. When I am considering or engaged in a crucial conversation, I need to be conscience of what I am telling myself. Am I convinced that I am a victim or that the other person is a villain? Is the other person sounding like a victim and portraying me as the villain? How do we work through these stories that we tell ourselves? How do we set aside the fiction of some of the internal dialog we have as we engage in these crucial conversations?

None of this is easy. The difficulties in having crucial conversations is exactly why we can all benefit from the instruction provided in this book. Just because I have now read the book, does not give me a position of being an expert in crucial conversations. Like everything else in life that is worth pursuing, being successful in these conversations takes time, practice, diligence, and realizing that I will only get better if I continue to get up and try again after each time I fail.

This book provides insight for all of us. It is not just for business relationships. The information and instruction will benefit every area of life. No matter who we are, personal relationships and connections are part of our lives. This book shines the light on ways that we can all improve our crucial conversations and thus grow in our important relationships.

JD Edwards - 43 Years of ERP Excellence

J.D. Edwards…What does that name mean to you? Some of us have no idea how J.D. Edwards has influenced or affected our lives.

Back in the 1990’s there was an acronym that identified the major Enterprise Resource Planning (ERP) Software providers. JBOPS was the acronym which was meant to identify J.D. Edwards, Baan, Oracle, PeopleSoft, and SAP. In the early part of this millennia JD Edwards was sold to PeopleSoft, and within a day or two Oracle announced its plans to acquire PeopleSoft. For those of us who have been associated with the JD Edwards software since that time there sure have been a lot of changes.

So, what does that have to do with today? Many of us will remember how Ed McVaney (the Edwards in the name J.D. Edwards) proclaimed St. Patrick’s day as the birthday of J.D. Edwards. It all started in 1977, and now 43 years later the foundation built by Jack Thompson, Dan Gregory, and Ed McVaney still stands strong.

I cannot name all of the companies who run JD Edwards Software now (eventually the name was adjusted by removing the periods after the J and the D), but I can tell you that it has an effect on everyday lives of each of us. From manufacturers of equipment for First Responders to wine growers, hospitality companies to gas and oil companies, manufacturers of household goods (plumbing material, flooring, etc) to companies in the entertainment industry. JD Edwards has touched the lives of countless millions of people in a positive, meaningful, and beneficial way.

Happy Birthday JD Edwards! Thank you, Ed, Dan, and Jack, for the blood, sweat, and tears that were invested in creating, building, and sustaining JD Edwards!

Passion: Take This Life and Love It

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I recently read an interesting set of statistics:

  • More than 50% of CEOs of Fortune 500 companies had a C or C- grade point average in college

  • Nearly 75% of all US Presidents were in the bottom half of their school classes

  • More than 50% of all millionaire entrepreneurs never finished college

This tells me a few things about success, significance, and passion.

Success is not necessarily tied to whether you earned a college degree. Sure, in many situations it will help you land a job. In certain industries a college degree may hold more value than others (i.e. Engineering, Medical Doctor, Pharmacist, etc.). There are situations where you want to be sure that those who are fulfilling specific roles have been well educated.

Significance is not tied up in a 40 hour a week job, then going home to dinner and an evening of watching television. If you want to have an impact on the lives around you it takes hard work, effort, and a determined persistence towards setting and achieving goals that serve you, your family, coworkers, customers, and community.

Passion is something that should drive your pursuit of success and significance. I do not mean passion that is seen at sporting events where you cheer your team. I am referring to a passion that drives you to do things…things that make a difference for yourself and others.

This passion helps you pursue the need to stay physically fit, press on in personal relationships, seek wisdom in financial matters, gain knowledge that helps you improve, and diving deep into spiritual matters that inform your passions. I could have a passion to coach in the NFL, but I do not spend a significant portion of my lifetime actively seeking the drivers mentioned above, then I will have no chance or opportunity to fulfill that passion.

If you truly love what you are doing, you will be passionate about pursuing greatness in that area!

Some things to think about when you consider just what your passionate about:

  • Passion is the first step to achievement - without passion you will be unwilling to continue during the difficult times

  • Passion increases your will power - you will be more driven to do the right thing and do things right

  • Passion changes you - others will see the joy you express when meeting one set of goals and setting a new set.

  • Passion makes the impossible, possible - As you seek to improve each day, over time you will be able to look back and see that you have accomplished far more that you had first imagined.

After reading this…take some time to think…pause to reflect. In your profession, how “on-fire” are you for what you do? Was there something in your past that had driven your passions more strongly, if so what can you do to return to those things that caused you to love what you do?

I have mentioned this in various other writings. Find a mentor! Not just anyone, but someone who is passionate about what they are doing. Someone who has achieved many of the same things you would like for yourself. Someone who will have your interests in mind as they help you to stay focused on your passions.

The Book of Five Rings

Miyamoto Musashi was a Japanese samurai who lived in the latter 16th through the mid 17th centuries. This book focuses primarily on the hard work and dedication needed to be a successful sword fighter during this time in Japan. Each of the five scrolls go into greater detail than I will share here. Much of the value I gained from reading this book is to show how much work, study, and dedication it takes to be willing to the be best at your craft. The five scrolls are as follows:

  1. The Earth Scroll (Chi-no-Maki) - some main points:

    1. The way of combat strategy and how it defines a samurai’s way of live

    2. There is no distinction between samurai and other classes in terms of the need to be prepared to sacrifice for the sake of honor

    3. Each occupation is a “Way” on its own

    4. Compares the samurai general with a master carpenter in how he leads his men

  2. The Water Scroll (Sui-no-Maki) - some main points

    1. Psychological basis for swordsmanship

    2. Fundamental elements of combat (posture, grip, etc.)

    3. Combat stances

  3. The Fire Scroll (Ka-no-Maki) - some main points

    1. How to position yourself to gain and advantage over your enemy

    2. Three initiatives on how to control a fight

    3. Learning the ability to read your enemy

  4. The Wind Scroll (Fu-no-Maki) - some main points

    1. Idiosyncrasies he identified from his teachings and other schools of swordsmanship

    2. How to outwit and overcome opponents who rely on brute strength

    3. Pure speed is bad

  5. The Ether Scroll (Ku-no-Maki) - some mane points

    1. His understanding of the void/emptiness

    2. How it is not like the Buddhist concept of Nirvana

Musashi was and is known to be the best swordsman that Japan has ever witnessed. In this book, he proclaims that his first duel was when he was 13 years old. These duels were not just for fun and to see who could score the most points. These were duels to the death. It shows a stark difference in how people in Musashi’s time and culture lived compared to ours.

There is much we can learn from The Book of Five Rings, as it relates to seeking excellence in our lives. Even the best samurai are constantly learning, adapting, and finding ways to overcome obstacles. If we have reached some pinnacle in our lives it is not time to rest and decide that your journey in life is complete, there will always be challenges to overcome.

One key idea to take from this book is the fact that Musashi thought it important enough to not only teach those who would follow him, but also write down his lessons and legacy. As a leader, and even more so as a parent, those who are in your care can grow and flourish as you share how your experiences have helped you shape your thinking.

Leadership is never dull, there is no real downtime. You can “sharpen your saw” (Stephen F. Covey), actively learning how to be better; or you can be applying your trade. Just like a master samurai does not simply stop being a samurai, you do not stop being a leader.

The First Two Rules of Leadership

There is no such thing as a perfect leader. We all do stupid things and can act like a jerk. What are we willing to do in order to overcome these shortcomings? David Cottrell takes us through how to avoid stupid mistakes and be conscientious of how to lead without being a jerk.

This is an easy book to read and makes a lot of sense. David breaks down the two key topic into sub-categories to help understand the value of being smart about decisions you make as a leader. From hiring the right people, to coaching, concentrating on thing of vital importance, and valuing integrity. He is very convincing in helping readers understand these areas where we can sometimes be stupid.

In the area of not being a jerk, David extols the reader to listen, be decisive, encourage others, and attack complacency. He highlights an anecdotal story of two leaders retiring at the same time. One has a party thrown for them, where others are thanking the retiring leader for always seeking to help others to grow professionally. The other has no one to encourage or thank him because he was so focused on managing tasks that he failed to treat people as humans.

I will take the principles I have learned in this book, and apply them in how I coach and lead others, how I approaching hiring decisions, and making decisions with confidence. I would suggest this book for anyone starting their leadership journey or someone who is interested in being a better leader tomorrow than they were today.

Elevate - Push Beyond Your Limits and Unlock Success in Yourself and Others

Some people just seem to be over achievers in many areas of their lives. These people have a knack for setting and achieving their goals with greater consistency than others. This books gives insight into at least some of the ways the you and I can build our capacity and achieve more than before.

In the first chapter, the framework is setup for the rest of the book. This is where the author states that there are four categories for human capacity.

  • Spiritual Capacity - Understanding who you are, what you want most, and the standards you want to live by each day.

  • Intellectual Capacity - How you improve your ability to think, learn, plan and execute with discipline.

  • Physical Capacity - Health, well-being, and physical performance

  • Emotional Capacity - How you react to challenging situations, your emotional mindset, and the quality of your relationships.

A primary principle is the importance of building capacity in all four areas together.

One particular note is that for the purpose of this book, the term “Spiritual” is not meant in the context of religion or things that are intangible. It is meant to be more focused on the vision, mission, and corporate culture.

Each of the four capacities gets its own chapter and Robert Glazer leads the reader through ways to build on each. Building on each of these capacities is a great way to simplify and focus on growth to help all of us achieve goals we may have otherwise believed to be unreachable.

I believe you will find the information easy to understand and implement into your own lives. Check it out of yourself and let me know about your experience.

Listening, it is how to get to their heart

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How often are you listening to those in your care? Not just hearing what they are saying, but really listening. Have you taken the time to try an understand someone, so that when they are having a bad day you know how to get to the root of the problem? In order to do this, it is necessary to have built an authentic relationship, which takes time.

It requires consistent patience to be able to truly listen and pick up on the needs of those around you. How often are you willing to sit and just listen someone fully express their idea, even when you disagree? Do you get impatient and cut them off before they finish, assuming that you know what they intend or that you know better? “Many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request - Philip Stanhope, The 4th Earl of Chesterfield.

If you know someone well, there will be hints and signs that you can see or hear, that can lead you to understanding their heart. There is a Cherokee Proverb that states, “Listen to the whispers and you won’t have to hear the screams”. Take this as an admonition to pay attention to the small voice inflections, body language, reduction in participation, heightened irritability and many of the other signs that something may be wrong. This can help in working through issues before there is an escalation to the point of a broken or irreconcilable relationship.

“I remind myself every morning: nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So, if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” - Larry King. This is a great reminder of the need to listen. If you are listening there is an opportunity to double your knowledge or wisdom. You will not only have your own insight but you will also be able to gain from the experience of others.

Have you found a mentor? If not, find someone who has success and significance in an area where you would like to grow. Offer to buy them coffee, breakfast, or lunch once a month if they would be willing to carve out 30 or even 60 minutes of their precious time to be with you. No leader is so advanced or experience that he or she can afford to be without a mentor.

Listening is an art. It is developed over time. The more you listen with the intent of being a better listener, the better you will get. Do not take my word for it, put it to practice. If I am wrong, let me know.

How to Lead When You're Not in Charge

This book is written with the intent of working through the content in a small group setting. It is broken up into six sessions which are easy to read and understand. As I prepare to go through this book with a small group of my own, I am looking forward to the conversations which will be prompted by this material.

The information Clay Scroggins presents in in this book is greatly beneficial while reading it on your own. There are great insights to be absorbed and acted upon. After reading it, it will become clear that the greatest benefit will be experienced by reading the material for each session before partaking in a group discussion.

This book was recommended by someone in leadership whom I admire. She is someone who has taken a personal and professional interest in my life. We have worked together for many years. With each conversations she continues to help mold and shape my thinking about leadership and my role in the lives of those around me.

Leadership can be lonely at times, but we do not have to go through it alone. Building relationships by going through material presented in this book, along side others who want to improve themselves, will greatly benefit all involved.

Keep it Simple

We live in a society where we are often led to believe that we need complex formulas that drive our daily activities to ensure balance in our lives. In this book, Joe Calloway shows us how to think differently. I have heard references to the KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid) principle, I have heard it called “Prioritize and Execute”. There are a number of terms which can be used.

In this book you will find insightful instruction on how to simplify things in your life. I am already starting to put some if these into practice. As I look at the day ahead of me, I am beginning to take time to think through the main things that need to be accomplished. Once I define my priorities, I seek to keep distractions at a distance. It is not easy. It takes a conscious effort and ongoing diligence to make sure that email is not a distraction and I avoid attending meetings that do not have a clear agenda.

I often have individuals who want to book meetings which conflict with blocks of time I have scheduled for focused attention. I am starting to decline most of them. I am finding that I need to guard these times in order to accomplish what is expected. There are many more tips and ideas that can be used.

Read the book, find out what works for you. Whatever you do, simplify your life…at work, at home, and for recreation. You will find that you accomplish more and have increased energy for what is important to you.

Leadership by the Book

Ken Blanchard, Bill Hybels, and Phil Hodges worked together to create an insightful and helpful allegorical story to help leaders understand the value of true leadership and striving daily to follow the model that was put on display by Jesus as revealed in the four Gospels in the New Testament.

This story works through the realities that individuals from all professions have a lot to learn and put into practice. The leadership taught throughout this book speaks of the need to lead with your head, heart, and hands. Leadership is not just knowing what to do or how to do it. It is important to meet people where they are in life. It is also important to pursue leadership outside of you profession or career. We all have families, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and many others for whom we serve as an example.

Each of us are individuals, with unique strengths and weaknesses at various levels. As we evaluate our role in leadership we should look to understand four separate aspects.

  • Purpose: Tells you what business you are in, and defines the fundamental reasons why you exist as an organization.

  • Operating Values: Determines how people should behave when they are working on the purpose.

  • Image: Explains what thing would be like if everything were running as planned.

  • Goal: Where do you want people’s energy to be focused right now?

As a result of reading this book, I have kept in mind the heart potion of leadership. I think (you can ask others if I am right) that I know how to do the job required by the team I get to lead. I believe that I am fairly good at completing the tasks required to fulfill my position. I know that I need to be better and the relationship and personal touch for those to whom I am responsible.

I recommend this book for everyone who is interested in improving themselves as a leader. As with any book on leadership, if you are not personally engaged to seek out your own improvement you will not benefit from the insights provided.

Note: I realize that there are accusations of misconduct by Bill Hybels. This post is not intended to be an endorsement of any level of misconduct of which Bill is accused. It is only the context of this book that is being reviewed here.