“Leadership is about influence. Nothing else.” - John Maxwell
Although I do not whole-heartedly agree with the above quote from John Maxwell I do believe it holds a lot of truth. As leaders we do have influence, we are seeking to persuade, and we strive to comprehend how others think. Effective leaders seek to understand human behavior in general and the specific behaviors of those whom they serve.
If you have followed my musings for long, you know that I am a proponent of having a mentor in your life. My life has been greatly enriched by a small number of mentors. During one meeting with a mentor, it was suggested that I read, Games People Play. In turn, I would recommend this book to others as a tool to gain new insight into how people interact. This is not an exhaustive analysis of transactions between and among people, but it does share a great deal of insight.
Eric Berne was a psychiatrist who studied social transactions. In this book, he defines games differently than we traditionally think. In his own words, “A game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Descriptively it is a recurring set of transactions, often repetitious, superficially plausible, with concealed motivation; or, more colloquially, a series of moves with a snare, or ‘gimmick’.” He additionally outlines three “egos” to represent the games or transactions which occur.
As people go through these games that, the transaction can be Parent-to-Parent, Parent-to-Adult, Parent-to Child, Adult-to-Parent, Adult-to-Adult, Adult-to-Child, Child-to-Parent, Child-to-Adult, or Child-to-Child as the ego state. To fully appreciate and understand the games which are played and how they can be detrimental to healthy relationships the book needs to be read with the mindset to absorb and understand its contents. Underline, make notes in the margins, and earmark pages where you find valuable insight.
The book itself is not focused on challenges specific to leadership. I believe that the information conveyed here will contribute to effective leadership as it provides a great insight into how people operate. Not all games being played are negative, but usually individuals affected by negative games will go to seek professional help. Thus, most of what is presented reflects on negatively impacted relationships and how to sort through them.
There is a lot to be gleaned from this book. I highly recommend reading this book with the mindset of discerning which games you may be playing and how those games may be impacting your relationships with others. As a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, school mate, coworker, sibling, manager, or any other role you may fulfill in life someone is looking to you for leadership. The better prepared you are to help, guide, influence, and positively persuade those for whom you care will help you point them in the right direction.