12 Rules For Life - Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

Dr. Jordan B. Peterson is a clinical psychologist from Canada who, over the past few years, has become a well-known public figure. In this book, “12 Rules For Live: An Antidote to Chaos”, he outlines 12 simple rules to help with governing our own lives. These rules are not intended to be the only 12 rules by which to live our lives, but rather a baseline to help us be a better version of ourselves. If this is the first you have read about Dr. Jordan B. Peterson or this book, I hope I can pique your interest.

I was very methodical and intentionally slow in reading this book. I wanted and still want to absorb all of the lessons taught. I would encourage self-reflection while reading through each of these 12 rules.

This whole book has and will continue to influence me in more ways than I can adequately articulate here. I would like to point out specific rules which stuck out to me.

• Rule #2 - Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping

I cannot tell you how many times I have handed out advice, encouragement, and direction which I would not even follow myself. Suggestions about health, spirituality, money, relationships, work, and more as though I had great sage wisdom worth following. I thought I was fulfilling my responsibility to help others…perhaps I was and still am. However, if I am not willing to be responsible for helping myself, how much will others value my suggestions?

As someone who is striving to be a better leader, I need to be leading myself before I am leading others. Am I investing in my future? Am I striving for growth? Am I building a life of significance? I need to be treating myself as someone I am responsible for helping.

• Rule #6 - Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world

The implications here…I stop to ponder. I likely cannot count the number of times I thought I could solve the world’s problems. How many times did I question a professional athlete’s decision under the pressure of a clutch moment? These are just the beginning of thoughts and conversations I have had where I allowed myself to ignore the mess in my own life, thinking I could fix someone else.

I have not, and likely may not ever set my house in perfect order. I have improved significantly over the past couple of years. I have set up disciplines in my life where I seek to improve myself, my life, my home, my relationships, and my finances. That is how I can change the world…by bettering myself.

• Rule #9 - Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t

This one reminds me of a Dalai Lama quote, “When you talk you are only repeating what you know; but when you listen you learn something new.” As a busy professional, I am often tempted to think that things need to happen now. There is no time to delay. In my mind, this means that everyone must listen to me because I have the right answers. When I push down that temptation, pause and listen to the ideas, thoughts, and suggestions of others then I am likely to get a clearer picture. Most often someone else’s recommendation will work out better than my own.

Even if I have to enforce my own decision, I need to at least hear the concerns and thoughts of those who will be responsible for helping to carry through with the steps needed for completion. I can explain my final intent, those in my care can get to that intent in the best way feasible within their realm of knowledge and expertise.

To clarify, my descriptions above are not how Dr. Jordan B. Peterson rolled out these 12 rules. The way it affected me is my take on my response as a result of reading this book. When you pick it up, read it with the intent to find how these rules apply in your own life.

When we are on a flight, and the plane is on its way to the runway, the flight attendants do their safety announcements. During their monolog, we are told that if the pressure drops in the cabin, and the masks fall in front of us, we put on our own mask before helping others secure theirs. In leadership, it is much the same. We need to be leading ourselves well before we can be qualified to have others call us their leader. 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos, teaches areas where we can lead ourselves. Pick it up, read it, learn from it, you will not regret it.

Imposter Syndrome, have you ever felt it...what is it?

When handed a new task, duty, job title, or responsibility it is common for my first internal reaction as to question whether I am the right person for the job. Even when I have pursued a new role…for years…and have clearly earned the position, I have a “pucker” moment where I ask, “What have I gotten myself into?”

Over the past 5 years, listening to hundreds of podcasts and reading dozens of books on leadership, personal development, intentional living, understanding human behavior, and more my eyes have been opened to the reality that even the most successful people in business, politics, religion and most other cohort groups deal with (at least in the beginning) doubting their abilities and feeling like they are an imposter in that role. It is normal and we cannot let that hold us back from stepping forward into the growth we will experience. A leader moves into the unknown…even if it is just unknown to them…understanding they will make mistakes yet continuing to move forward seeking improvement, growth, influence, and significance.

Do not let the doubt, the “Imposter Syndrom”, allow us to quit. We may fail, make mistakes, or mess up and we cannot let those things cause us to stop leading and pursuing excellence. When we feel that itching of doubt in our mind…an internal feeling that we are an imposter in our role, keep in mind a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

• “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

The imposter syndrome is real. Do not ignore it or shove it aside. Deal with it, speak to yourself with your own internal dialog to remind yourself that you earned the chance to fulfill that role. Tell yourself that you will grow into the position, then take the steps to do just that.

I am offering my services to those who may be interested in leadership mentoring and/or coaching. This will be one on one, or very small group interactions on a periodic basis. The intention is to operate in a similar manner as a short-term mastermind. This is to say that there will be a few months of interactions set up as 1-hour sessions once or twice a month. If you have an interest, feel free to start a conversation with me at todd@toddrthomsen.com.

Compassionate - The 5th "C" of Leadership

Compassion…the final C in this series of posts on the 5 Cs of Leadership (Composed, Confident, Consistent, Courageous). Pause for a moment, think about compassionate people in your life who have helped you through physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual struggles. What are some of the characteristics that come to mind?

Merriam-Webster.com:

• Compassion: sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it

A noteworthy view of compassion, to quote Albert Schweitzer, “The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.”

Compassion works with and goes deeper than sympathy or empathy. Where sympathy and empathy are focused around being conscious of the distress others may be experiencing, compassion couples that with a desire to alleviate distress. With compassion, there is a call to action.

As leaders, we need to be careful how we step into that call to action. How well do you know those for whom you are called to care and lead? Do we really understand which actions will provide the best means of helping them get through their distress?

I know that in my own experience, and those who are closest to me, many of our biggest accomplishments and successes have come as a result of overcoming huge struggles in our lives. It was not through someone removing those hurdles, but rather helping me see that I have what it takes to break through a barrier. If someone would have taken away my struggle in physical fitness with some kind of a magic pill, I do not think I would have truly gained an appreciation for the hard work, perspiration, and consistency needed for building strength and endurance. So, in this case, for me, compassion came in the form of encouragement as I stepped through this journey and people recognizing milestones in my progress.

If it were not for mentors guiding me through my leadership journey, I do not know where I would be from an emotional and professional perspective. As I failed in tasks, jobs, relationships, and more; there were key individuals who have reminded me these failures do not define who I am, but rather are learning opportunities towards improvement.

Some of you know me well and have seen me go through a variety of transformations over these past 5 years. Many of you do not even realize how I received compassion from you along this journey. I continue to seek improvement in physical, relational, intellectual, fiscal, and spiritual health and wellbeing. Thank you all for your encouragement and compassion.

Along the way, I have been granted the opportunity to join a group of like-minded individuals, all led by my professional and personal mentor, Richard Rierson. I first met Richard by engaging him for his leadership coaching after listening to his Dose of Leadership podcast. This group of like-minded individuals all contribute to Dose of Leadership University, a growing community of leaders focused on helping each other in our growth. If you have an interest in learning more about how to live these 5 Cs of leadership I encourage you to review the website, check out Richard’s podcast and coaching, and consider joining us.

Courageous - The 4th "C" of Leadership

When we think of courage so many thoughts can come to mind. I could follow many trains of thought here and explore endless domains where courage is at the forefront of circumstances. As with my previous 3 posts on the 5 Cs of Leadership (Composed, Confident, Consistent), I will start off with the Merriam-Webster definition of courage:

• Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Notice, that courage is not the lack of fear. Fear will be present in the midst of difficult times. Courage is acting with mental and moral strength when faced with fear. Courage does not simply automatically show up when there is danger. It is nearly always something that grows over time and with practice when obstacles and struggles are faced head-on. Courage has to start somewhere within each of us.

We often hear or read these stories of men and women who have displayed great courage. These are events which catch the public eye. First-Responders who run into a burning building to rescue someone, law enforcement officers chasing down criminals with records of brutal crimes, and the list can go on. Although these are indeed great and noteworthy acts, they are not the only way to be courageous.

In peer leadership roles, we see people leading from the front. These individuals will be the first to help their company through struggles and moments of crisis. They are consistently on the front-line and leading by example. Often these leaders do not even realize they are being watched, emulated, and followed. Individuals actively engaged in not backing down from a difficult situation, being the coordinator of efforts to allow others to show their strengths, and/or shining the light on others once the struggle or crisis has been overcome.

In low and/or mid-management roles, a leader will need to allow the front-line leader drive towards problem-solving while the manager removes impediments to progress. These are individuals who transform from being the one who wins praises and instead, they mentor others to grow and become more than previously thought possible. Perhaps they become the person who communicates progress to higher management. Maybe it could be ensuring food, nourishment, and basic needs are being provided during elongated situations. It might show up as telling the front-line leader to take a mental break or get some sleep; providing assurances that there are others to help and that the front-line leader is still human. It could be as simple as having a listening ear while letting others voice concerns and opposition. Many times, if others feel that their thoughts have value and they are truly being heard, they will give their whole heart into something with which they disagree because they trust their manager/leader. Low and/or mid-level managers may be on the receiving end of negative backlash from some of these decisions but make their decisions anyway because they understand the people, circumstances, and conditions.

I have a friend who describes this type of courage as something like this, “The boss comes into a group meeting with a grenade, pulls the pin out, throws the pin and the grenade onto the table…the courageous leader grabs the pin, puts it back into the grenade, and starts calmly asking those around the table how to address the problem.”

I realize it is much easier to speak of and write about courage than to actually step up and engage in the discomfort. Remember that the courageous leader is also composed, confident, and consistent. All of these characteristics work in concert when we are being intentional about seeking to lead well. Each of these Cs takes work, diligence, and patience to ensure they are an active part of our leadership toolbox.

Consistent - The 3rd "C" of Leadership

This is the third installment of a 5 part series on, “The 5 Cs of Leadership”. The first C is “Composed”. The second C is “Confident”. This post will discuss “Consistent” as the third C. It is worth noting that I did not come up with, “The 5 Cs of Leadership”. I adopted these from Richard Rierson, who is my leadership mentor. Richard has started a leadership mastermind known as Dose of Leadership University. I encourage all who are reading my post to check out this mastermind and consider joining us.

Consistent as presented on Merriam-Webster.com has a definition of, “marked by harmony, regularity, or steady continuity: free from variation or contradiction”. As a leader, the consistent application of all 5 of the Cs of leadership works in concert. It is important to be consistent in being composed, confident, courageous, and compassionate.

It is also important to be consistent in many other ways. The best leaders are consistently learning, reading, relating, mentoring others, being mentored, modeling behavior, preparing others for success, clearing roadblocks, and many other activities of directing the growth of themselves and others. The most effective leaders I have met are consistent in striving for physical, fiscal, intellectual, relational, and spiritual development for themselves and those in their care. I should be regularly asking myself if I am living up to these standards.

Leaders are not perfect. I have found that the more I strive to develop myself, two seemly opposite truths seem to appear. First, I see that I am indeed growing in these areas…even if it is only by a small fraction of a percentage each day. Second, I see that my need to grow in these areas is greater than I initially realized. For example, the more I learn about relating to others in my care I am subsequently more keenly aware that there is so much I still need to learn about relating to those very people.

I have stumbled, failed, messed up, and made more mistakes than I can count. If I allowed myself to wallow in those painful experiences of the past I would likely be in a miserable mental, emotional, and physical state. Another area where leaders need to be consistent is owning their mistakes, learning from them, and striving to not repeat those mistakes in the future. In other words, never quit on yourself nor on those in your care.

As we strive for being consistent, these patterns will turn into positive and uplifting habits. The outcome of these habits will provide you with personal growth and satisfaction, and they will benefit those around you who are in your care. Leaders shine the spotlight of success on those for whom they care. Consistency in applying the 5 Cs creates a difference, at least it does in your own corner of the world.

Confident - The 2nd "C" of Leadership

This is my second post discussing the “5 Cs of Leadership” as I have learned to apply them. If this is the first of the “5 Cs of Leadership” you are seeing, I would suggest reading “Composed - The 1st C of Leadership”, then return here. There is not necessarily a chronological ordering or hierarchy to the “5 Cs of Leadership”, understanding them within the context of each other is very helpful.

The 2nd C of Leadership is “Confidence”. Merriam-Webster gives us these two definitions of this adjective:

1. Full of conviction: Certain

2. Having or showing assurance and self-reliance

There can be a fine line between confidence and being arrogant or displaying hubris. Most people know the difference when they see it but may not be able to put into words a good description. A confident leader is usually seen and heard bragging on the accomplishments of those around them. When we are confident it is unusual that we need to announce and advertise our own victories. A confident leader does not shy away from strengths, skills, knowledge, and successes however our focus when giving praise is to shine the light on others, the ones who did the hard work.

As confident leaders, we should also be grooming and developing the person who will be able to step up to be our future replacement. We should be seeking out key individuals who will mentor us. Confident leaders understanding they have much more to learn and are consistently seeking to gain more knowledge, insight, and wisdom. In confidence, we admit, own up to, and learn from mistakes and failures.

Did someone in our care have a failure, make a mistake, or miss a deadline? Our first question should be us asking ourselves, “Did I properly equip, train, and position them for success?” Another question should be, “What will it take for me to help them succeed next time?”

Confidence can be something akin to humility. What I mean is that if we are proclaiming to others that we are confident (or humble), it is likely that we are not. Confidence is something that wanes and waxes. There will be times when we do not feel confident. We may even feel like an imposter when filling a new role or position. When that happens, pay attention to your internal dialog. Are you listening to the doubt and lies your mind is trying to tell you, or are you going to tell yourself to keep moving forward and figure out how to get the job done?

I have plans to post my thoughts about “Imposter Syndrom” in the future.

In leadership, there are many dichotomies which play out. We need to be confident without arrogance, humble without being a pushover, take ownership of correcting mistakes and taking the blame while giving praise to others for accomplishments.

Composed - The 1st "C" of Leadership

The next few posts, starting with this one, will be topical around the “5 Cs of Leadership” as I have learned to apply them. These 5 Cs are not my own idea. I adopted them for myself after hearing of and learning about them from Richard Rierson. You can learn more about Richard on his website, “Dose of Leadership”. Additionally, I would like to ask you to consider becoming part of a group of amazing leaders who are diligently seeking to grow into better leaders. Check out the Dose of Leadership University. Now onto today’s topic.

According to Merriam-Webster, “Composed” means, free from agitation, calm, especially self-possessed. So what does being composed have to do with leadership? That may be a fair question. I have witnessed many times when situations become tense the person in charge starts letting their anger, displeasure, frustration, or whatever you want to call it, show in full view of all around them. The people around these who are in charge use excuses like, “that’s just the way he/she is”, or “that is just part of their personality, they are a strong leader”.

Now, do not get me wrong, there are and will continue to be times when frustrations are high and emotions are tense. Our emotions are part of who we are, and are designed as a system to help us prepare our bodies for action. However, when in a position of authority, we lose leadership capital very quickly when we are unable to stay composed and think clearly during times of high stress.

I cannot remember where I first heard this, but I have seen this time and time again. Leadership capital is built and grows in increments of $0.01, $0.05, or at best, $0.10 as those in our care respond to our desire to positively influence. Building leadership capital takes time, patience, effort, and vigilance. Leadership capital is spent in increments of $5.00, $10.00, or even $20.00.

When we lose our composure in times of struggle, we are spending leadership capital. This is not to declare that we cannot still lead effectively after having lost our composure, but if we have not already built up significant leadership capital we risk losing respect, open feedback, and honesty from those we lead. Losing great communication with those in our care means that we are no longer leading we are forcing conformity.

Let me delineate a little further. Do not, “hear what I am not saying”. I am not saying that leadership is about always being kind and soft. While there is room for compassion there is no room for letting those in your care, walk all over you. Being composed happens when a firm correction is needed or when a chaotic event triggers high emotions and it is necessary to speak loudly to ensure to quell all the noise and chatter. Using a loud voice and firm correction needs to be applied with precision and care. These are great tools in an artist’s hands, not a sledgehammer to force coercion.

There is a difference between being an “Alpha” and being a bully. Perhaps a future post can be about the value of a strong leader being characterized as an “Alpha”. A bully is often insecure and uses bullying techniques to lift themselves above others while shutting down those being bullied. As a leader, we can be strong without inserting our authority.

In the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling, the first few lines come to mind as I think of a composed leader.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

To me, this speaks volumes of the value of keeping one’s composure.

The Truth About Leadership

As I contemplate how to best describe this book, a flood of thoughts come to my mind. Some of the thoughts are clichés and others seem to not this book justice. I guess to start off with, this book is an easy read. There are no complex concepts, deep psychological ideas, or Rube Goldberg machinations of cascading events being prescribed. The ideas, the 10 truths described are simple…but not easy.

The authors go through 10 unique, and interwoven truths about leadership. Each of these truths are valuable and necessary in leadership. The very 1st truth is, “You Make a Difference”. As a leader, we have to believe this truth…100%. There are those around us who look to us for guidance, direction and see us as a model of how to lead successfully.

The 1st truth is directly related to the 2nd truth, “Credibility is the Foundation of Leadership”. If others are going to follow our lead, we need to have a level of understanding of the topics about which we speak. We also need to know those with whom we surround ourselves and lean on them to lead in their area of expertise. A credible leader knows their strengths and weaknesses and has pride in the strengths of those around them. They seek to put others in a position to succeed and thrive.

All of this ties into the 8th truth which is, “You Either Lead by Example or You Don’t Lead at all.” We often do not realize this, but when we are in a position of leadership, others are watching. Are we trusting others to succeed in their strengths? Our example of placing trust in them will often be reciprocated and they will trust us when we ask others to do hard things.

This write-up just notes 3 of the 10 truths in the book. I will be keeping this book on my leadership bookshelf for easy and regular reference. The examples, descriptions, and stories are relatable. In a world that is adjusting to a lot more of a remote workforce, having these 10 truths at my fingertips is extremely helpful.

The Rape of Nanking - What Leadership Lessons Can We Learn?

I will start off by clarifying that this book was not written from the perspective of evaluating leadership. With many books about harrowing events in history, there are leadership principles on display for all to see. The Rape of Nanking is no exception. Let me be clear here, my review is not an indictment on or approval of the immutable characteristics of individuals portrayed in this book. I am only evaluating what I read and how I perceived the leadership lessons through my mind as influenced by my life experiences.

Nanking (aka Nanjing) is about 300 kilometers / 190 miles west by northwest of Shanghai and was the administrative capital of China during the Second Sino-Japanese War. The Second Sino-Japanese War was really the Japanese involvement in and a precursor to the Pacific front of World War 2. The distinction is focused on the Japanese invasion of and subsequent occupation of China.

This book focuses on the plight of the Chinese people in Nanking for six weeks starting December 13, 1937. There are far too many accounts of what occurred to recount here in this post. The overall attitude was that prisoners of war were to be killed. All of the inhabitants of Nanking who did not escape before the Japanese invasion were labeled as prisoners of war. This included women and children. Iris Chang, the author of this book took painstaking efforts to track down survivors, locate journals, and locate news footage which was not released to the public.

During this six-week period, a number of Americans and Europeans set up a “Nanking Safety Zone” which was intended to be an asylum for the Chinese people to seek refuge. John Rabe is known as “The Nazi Hero of Nanking”. He would consistently appeal to the Chinese military leaders as well as Emporer Hirohito’s staff in interceding for the Chinese people. On a regular basis, he would write to Adolph Hitler to seek additional influence in protecting the people of Nanking. Dr. Robert Wilson was the only surgeon in Nanking during this massacre. Minnie Vautrin would stand between Japanese soldiers and the Chinese in the Nanking Safety Zone to save as many lives as possible.

Leadership is not the use of power over others as a reason to destroy lives. What the Japanese did during this Second Sino-Japanese War was abuse power to destroy lives. Even though the two nations come from the same ancestral heritage, at that time Japanese considered Chinese to be sub-human. The violence documented in this book is only a portion of the same kinds of atrocities occurring across all of China. Throughout the ages, this was not the first nor the last time these kinds of horrible acts have been or will be carried out. These horrendous acts are not singularly the product of Japanese culture of this documented time but can be found throughout the history of mankind. However, this is an extreme example and most of us have been sheltered from the stories.

In this account, the true leadership came from those who served the citizens of Nanking tirelessly at a great cost to themselves…physically, emotionally, and mentally. These people did what they could to save, rescue, and repair the lives of many Chinese. None of those who helped in the Nanking Safety Zone left that experience free from scars that haunted them for life. They did not seek recognition for the work they did but rather wanted to serve and advocate for the innocent who suffered so much.

It is unlikely that anyone reading this will ever be called to lead in the extreme circumstances noted above. I would like to ask though…are we seeking to influence others to significance even when it is tough to do so? Are we striving for self-discipline to be an example for others? Are we encouraging and influencing those in our care to take that next step in progressing towards their own goals? Are we preparing and/or mentoring our replacement? These are simple things we can be doing…not easy, but simple.

Start with Why

A few weeks back, I was asked about my thoughts on “Start with Why” by Simon Sinek. Before I could provide my thoughts, I needed to go back and read the whole book. In the summer of 2018, I had read about 80% of this book then accidentally left it on the airplane during one of my trips. A friend of mine graciously replaced it but I have taken nearly 3 years to pick the book back up. This time I did actually finish the book and I am benefiting greatly.

I recently changed employers, and being in the middle of reading this book while making the change has helped me to focus on thinking through implementing the principles taught. There are two key principles from this book which piqued my interest. The ideas of The Golden Circle and The Law of Diffusion of Innovation.

According to SmartInsights.com, “The neuroscience behind the Golden Circle theory is that humans respond best when messages communicate with those parts of their brain that control emotions, behaviour and decision making.” In essence, for leadership, it is critical to understand and never deviate from your “Why”. This is the core of what drives our actions…it is more than motivation. Motivation wains with time, drive keeps us going even when we are tempted to give up. When our “Why” is the heart of the “How” and “What” we do, we have a greater opportunity to have others follow…how we influence those in our care.

This then takes us to the Law of Diffusion of Innovation. In his 1962 book, “Diffusion of Innovations”, Everett M. Rogers introduces the Law of Diffusion of Innovation. According to the website, IdeaToValue.com, “Diffusion is the process by which a new innovation or product is communicated over time amongst the participants in a social system or market.” If you are introducing a good or service the desire is to catch the attention of Innovators and Early Adopters who will connect with your “Why” and want to be among the first to buy your goods or use your services…often the cost is not what is important.

Malcolm Gladwell then goes on to discuss in, “The Tipping Point”, the idea of Connectors and Influencers. If Connectors and Influencers are among the Innovators and Early Adopters of your goods or services, they will help you grow in your marketplace. As you grow and an “Early Majority” starts to buy into what you are providing that is the “Tipping Point” of growth for the business.

I am sure I have not done these concepts justice. Simon Sinek’s explanations bring these concepts to life and make them far easier to understand. I highly suggest reading “Start With Why” and get a better understanding of how this all works together. The insight gained from this book will stay with me for years to come.