This is the fourth in a series of five pillars that in order to live a fulfilled life and lead others successfully, requires committed, intentional, and consistent action. I have adopted and adapted these five pillars, but they originated from Thom Shea. These pillars are non-negotiable. Let’s see if I can articulate well enough that you might also be convinced.
We have been designed as social beings. One of the worst things you can do in life is to isolate yourself. The most severe punishment in jail is solitary confinement. Thom Shea has shared the story of a time when he was a BUD/S instructor and learned how much isolation will cause the strongest SEAL candidates to quit. We found out through the 2020 response to a virus, just how painful it can be for individuals to be alone. Suicide, alcohol abuse, opioid dependency, and many other problems increased significantly due to government mandates requiring self-isolation. Our mental and emotional stability is indescribably tied to having close relationships with key people in life, and physical and emotional intimacy with our “significant other”.
Building strong intimate relationships touches on the very core of who we are and how we successfully navigate the world in which we live. These are people who know our deepest desires and greatest weaknesses and still love and care for us. They are also the ones who we will give our lives to protect, our hearts to support, and our thoughts to guide. When we experience our biggest triumphs, these are the people we want to celebrate at our side. We applaud their successes with great enthusiasm and deep pride.
Do you have someone in your life who will clean your wounds, insist you take your medicine, push you to exercise…and you will do the same for them? I am referencing all aspects of these areas and not just physical. Our wounds that need cleansing, medicine to take, and exercise that needs to take place may be spiritual or emotional as well. This would be someone who loves as you are but will help you reach and push to achieve even more, and you do the same for them.
Some of us learn the hard way that this is a crucial part of life. The physical, fiscal, emotional, mental, and spiritual drain of going through a divorce takes its toll. We need to take the time and make the effort to show our loved ones they are important. 30 minutes a day, devoted to listening to and communicating with your loved ones will pay back dividends that cannot be tracked on a balance sheet or time card. It does not need to always be deep conversations, but it can be. If there are times when they need more than 30 minutes then do it…for as long as is needed. This is not a staff meeting at work that must begin and end by a specific time. Give your significant other the time they need to verbalize their thoughts and be thoroughly heard. Speak your mind with a humble, honest, and loving purpose. Intentionally follow up on promises and commitments made during these conversations.
If you want to be able to lead others in a professional environment, it takes putting in the effort to lead well in your intimate relationships. This is where you learn to uncover motives, fears, and uncertainties. You strengthen your ability to empathize and have compassion. You learn how to hear inflections in voice and watch body posture, to see how these reflect emotions. You grow in the ability to deeply connect.
Love and be loved. Your life will be more fulfilled and you will have an increased ability to share more care and compassion with those you are called to lead. In the end, people will remember how you treated them more than the words you spoke to them. Having and building intimate bonds with those who are close to you will give you greater strength to face challenges and encourage others.