According to Merriam-Webster the definition of Authentic: “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character. //is sincere and authentic with no pretense”. Pause for 30 seconds, let that definition resonate in your heart and mind. How often to you find yourself being authentic in everyday life? It does not take long for people around me to see whether or not I am being authentic. I am not as good at deceiving others as I sometimes think I am. So, why do I even try?
Sometimes shame can lead me to where I believe it is best to cover-up my past or try to ignore its influence. I have done some foolish things in my past, made decisions based upon false premises, jumped to unfavorable conclusions of others, and hurt others either intentionally or unintentionally. When I let the shame shroud my past, it shows up in being defensive about and overthinking the words and actions of others. I can often either hide my concerns and deny they exist or I overreact and lash out at others. Neither of those responses are helpful in any area of life, and are even more destructive when I am looked to for leading others.
I am not a psychologist nor do I aspire to become one. I am simply seeking to learn how to be authentic to who I am designed to be. Shame is a tool to hide my failures and shortcomings. Authenticity helps me not only uncover the pain in my past, but also is key for dealing with the results of those failures, while moving forward as a stronger person and leader.
In this book, Danessa Knaupp does a masterful job at helping the reader understand how shame will hold us back and how we can turn that around to properly balance those struggles with being authentic in leading others. The opening chapter is titled, “There is no Perfect Leader”. From the very beginning we are led to understand, get rid of the idea of an exact formula for leadership.
Danessa goes on to show the detrimental affects of shame and then spends the majority of the time helping us to learn of the enormous benefits of authenticity as it relates to leadership at work. In many of the scenarios provided, we see Danessa’s own struggles with shame in failed business attempts and growth in authenticity. We read of others along the way helped her in learning to grow. These experiences have shaped her into an exemplary leadership coach.
I also had the privilege to participate in a group discussion with Danessa through Dose of Leadership University past weekend (June 13th, 2020). In our conversation she was extremely gracious, encouraging, and helpful. The impact Danessa had on our group will reverberate through to many others and her impact will only continue to spread, like the ripples from a stone when thrown into water. She and Richard Rierson had a great conversation which you can hear on Richard’s Dose of Leadership podcast from June 3rd, 2020. I highly recommend Danessa’s book and Richard’s podcast to all leaders from all walks of life as we all should be seeking to be authentic in every aspect of our lives.